i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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