thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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