you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
