Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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