oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
