Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
