worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
