i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
