Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
