I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Randomize
