Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
