I molested 6 butterflies tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
