My girlfriend figured out who you are.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
