and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
