The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
