OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize