take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
