she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
