i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
