I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
