I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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