I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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