hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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