Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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