she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
