I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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