Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
