Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You smell like stripper and shame
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
