Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
