Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
