Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
