Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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