were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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