I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize