If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
