the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
