Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
