I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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