3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
