I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
