so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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