I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
