He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
