Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
