I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
