If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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