so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize