Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
