we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
