'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
