Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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