I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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