you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
