Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
