wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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