even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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