He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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