I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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