Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
