I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
