so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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