shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
