In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
