I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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