I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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