Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come share oat with me in your robe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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