So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
