he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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