hell yes lets make some ravioli
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
