Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
