So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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