halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
the raccoons are back...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize