It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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