I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
