So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
