I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
