I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
