This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
