put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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