I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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