I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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