hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
