Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ugly people sure do ruin things
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
