batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
zippers are such a cool invention
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
