apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
being pregnant is like rehab
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize