I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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