This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
