You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
