What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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