the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
