I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
