i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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