You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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